Sheriff Taylor's Dragon Maid
by Norman Price
Summary: Mayberry is quiet little town in North Carolina with low crime rates thanks to Sheriff Andy Taylor and Deputy Barney Fife. But what happens when a group of dragons in the forms of human females arrive with Miss Kobayashi, their human friend who attracts the attention of Sheriff Taylor? Part one of "The Strange New Life of Andy Taylor". To be followed by "Andy and Tohru Go to Hell".
1. Chapter 1: Second Edition

Chapter 1

Miss Kobayashi awoke to a knocking on her door. "Tohru! Get the door!" she says.

Miss Kobayashi was a young woman who worked for a tech company. She had eyes like a dead fish and flat chest. She was usually in a bad mood because of her stressful job, and was an alcoholic.

Miss Kobayashi put her clothes (she always wore the same clothes and tie to work) and glasses on. She yawns and emerges from her bedroom. Her head aches; she has a hangover from a long night of drinking. "Tohru, who was that?" she asks.

Tohru was Miss Kobayashi's maid. They had met after Miss Kobayashi took a drunken trip to a mountain and saved Tohru from a holy sword impaling her back. Tohru was actually a dragon, but she took the form of a young woman with horns and big breasts. Tohru had romantic feelings for Miss Kobayashi, feelings that were rarely reciprocated.

"Just the landlord." Tohru said with a smile, "He says the building has been sold and scheduled for demolition in a week."

Tohru, unlike Miss Kobayashi, was a light hearted and high spirited.

"Of all the things to happen." sighed Kobayashi. "With those pay cuts at work this is the only place I can afford that can fit the three if us!"

"I will decimate anyone who tries to conquer our lair!" said Tohru.

"This isn't even my apartment anymore. You'd have no right to. Besides, killing is illegal."

"I would be happy to give a mine's worth of gold for you!" said Tohru.

"People would get suspicious if I had that much money." said Miss Kobayashi blankly. "Maybe I can make a deal with my boss to get a raise and we can find somewhere better."

Tohru poured Miss Kobayashi some coffee and went to wake up Kanna. Kanna Kamui was a dragon who was abandoned by her neglectful parents for playing pranks. She looks to Miss Kobayashi as a mother, and to Tohru as something of an older sister. She takes the form of an 8 year old girl with horns and a thin tail with a ball on the end.

Kanna ate her breakfast as Miss Kobayashi told her the news.

"Kobayashi, I want to live closer to Saikawa. Then I could stay there longer." she said.

"I'm not sure we could afford that, even if I did get a raise." said Miss Kobayashi

Tohru helped them gather their things. They said goodbye and left. Miss Kobayashi headed to the train station and Kanna headed to school.

Kanna is greeted by her friend Saikawa (who has feelings for Kanna arguably even more than Tohru's feelings for Miss Kobayashi).

"Kobayashi says that we will move again soon." said Kanna.

"It can be lots of fun moving." said Saikawa. "I had to move once. I didn't need to pack at all, my sis- I mean, our maid, Georgie did it for me. We put it into a truck and went to a better house."

"I want to live closer to you" said Kanna.

"I want you to live with me." said Saikawa. As they walked through the door, Kanna brushed up against Saikawa, who blushed and fainted instantly.

Miss Kobayashi boarded the train for work. It was cramped as usual. Not for a second did she think of riding Tohru; it hurt her back too much. Finally she arrived at her building, a big dull one, walked into the elevator and went up to her floor. She sat at her desk next to her friend Takiya, a closet otaku. "I going to have to move" she told him.

"Where to?" he asked. Takiya was usually calm and polite, unless his other half was showing. Tohru was convinced she had to battle him for Kobayashi's affection, but to him Kobayashi was just one of the guys.

"I don't know" she said "I can't afford anywhere that can house two dragons. I was thinking of asking for a raise. I've been working extra hard as it is."

"You might have worked too hard. You'll be transferred to San Francisco for sure." joked Takiya.

"Did I hear your going to San Francisco? Bring me back some American food. I heard they like large portions there!" said a smartly dressed, thin, woman with breasts about the size of Tohru's, dark hair and glasses. It was Elma.

Elma was a dragon from the order faction, opposite of Tohru; they had since made peace over sweet bread. Elma could appear as a warrior armed with a trident with a fish-like tail and a single horn protruding from her forehead, but she liked to keep things orderly, and so rarely appeared this way in front of others.

"I'm not going to America." said Miss Kobayashi. "I like it here in Japan too much."

"So no drinks tonight then?" asked Takiya.

"I'm sorry" said Miss Kobayashi. "You can come to my apartment after work."

After work, Miss Kobayashi went into her boss's office. "Excuse me sir, but my apartment is being torn down, and I can't afford anywhere else. I was wondering if you could give me a raise in pay."

Her boss stood up and said "I've heard you've been working harder, now that you need to support your daughter and maid. I have a proposal. I'll give you a promotion, but you will have to move to our division in America."

"B-but I didn't ask for a promotion! I just asked for a raise!"

"I can see you're disappointed. This is the only way I can help you."

Miss Kobayashi sighed. "I guess I have no choice. I'll take it."

Miss Kobayashi walked down the hall to the elevator and went down. She boarded the train again and wondered how she would give the news to Tohru and Kanna.

When she arrived at her apartment Tohru and Kanna were waiting for her with dinner.

"Did your boss give you the raise? If not I will devour him in your name!" said Tohru.

"I did get the raise." said Miss Kobayashi nervously. She processed to tell them the rest of what happened

"I would follow you anywhere Miss Kobayashi! Even to the brightest point in Heaven!"

"Um, right." said Miss Kobayashi "Kanna, do have anything to say?" Kanna was visibly upset.

"I do not wish to have to leave Japan! I want to stay here with Saikawa! And I want you and Tohru to stay too!" she says.

"I'm sorry Kanna," says Miss Kobayashi. "But there isn't much I can do. I have friends I'll be leaving too. But we can visit them every summer. Now that's not too long of a wait for a dragon, is it?

"I guess it is not." said Kanna, still looking glum.

"I know enough English due to my job. But can you learn it fast enough Tohru?" asked Miss Kobayashi.

"I don't need too." said Tohru. "I'm not even really speaking Japanese right now. Your inferior human brain just interprets it that way. W-w-which is not to say you're inferior Miss Kobayashi! Just that humans in general are!"

"Uh, thanks." said Miss Kobayashi.

The guests had arrived. In addition to Elma and Takiya, there was also the dragons Fafnir and Lucoa. Fafnir was Takiya's roommate, and Lucoa lived with an eleven year old boy named Shouta, who didn't want anything to do with her.

"I wanted to tell to you all that I am being transferred to San Francisco in a month." she said. Fafnir was the first to respond, with his usual grunt. Lucoa was next to respond.

"What a coincidence!" she said with a smile. "I will be going to America later this year too, but not to San Francisco. I'm going to meet a blind date. Shouta says I should get out more. I wonder why."

"I wonder why indeed" thought Miss Kobayashi sarcastically.

"I think I will go with you." said Elma, obviously thinking of food. "It will be nice to see how other societies of humans act."

"I'll miss having drinks with you after work. You can stay with Fafnir and I while you wait to be transferred."

"Kobayashi, I wish to sleep with Saikawa until we go." said Kanna.

"I don't see why not." said Miss Kobayashi. "You'll have to ask her parents first though."

For a month, everyone tried to move along normally. Miss Kobayashi was annoyed by Fafnir staying up all night at the computer and politely asked him to stop. He agreed, but only as a favor to Tohru, and kept giving dirty looks. Kanna stayed with Saikawa and her family until the last night.

Miss Kobayashi woke everyone up early in the morning. They rode the train to the airport and said goodbye to Takiya and Fafnir. Kanna and Tohru were amazed at sight of the planes. They couldn't believe that humans had learned the secrets of flight. Waiting for them at the airport was Elma, who had bought at least one hundred snacks, and had already ate half.

They checked in their bags and went to be inspected. The guards confiscated all of Elma's food. Elma began to weep. She stopped as soon as she saw more stores and restaurants.

"I don't understand why we have to go into this giant metal thing." said Tohru. "You could just ride me."

"I don't think my back could take it." .said Miss Kobayashi. "And besides, we need to go through customs and fill in the proper paperwork. It would be hard to explain to the American government that I rode in on a dragon." She turned to look at Elma, who was devouring food. "You should stop eating so much. You might get air sickness."

They all boarded the plane and sat in their plane took off. Kanna complain that her ears were hurting, so Tohru gave her some chewing gumSure enough, Elma had air sickness. Miss Kobayashi took some pills to ease the feeling, and gave some to Elma.

When they were in the air, an attendant was selling drinks. Miss Kobayashi bought one, and after taking a few sips, fell asleep.

Miss Kobayashi awoke with a headache. She looked out the window and said "We're landing."

They emerged into a tiny airport and filled out the proper paperwork. Miss Kobayashi rented a car and they all got in. "California does not look how I expected." she said.

"California?" said Tohru. "Where not in California anymore. You wanted to go to North Carolina."

"When did I say I wanted to go to North Carolina?" asked Miss Kobayashi.

"You kept ordering drinks and acting funny. When we got off the plane, you demanded to go on another plane. The one you wanted took us here." said Kanna. Miss Kobayashi suddenly realized she was driving a car again and looked out the windshield. Just as she looked up, the car crashed into a tree.

"Don't worry" said Tohru. "I can fi-". Just then, a tow truck came down the street. Out came a young man, who spoke with a thick southern accent.

"Howdy. Name's Gomer. Yah look like ya need help." He hooked the car to his truck.

"I sorry, but we…" Miss Kobayashi was interrupted by Gomer.

"It'll be no trouble. You ladys look like you don't know your way around. I'll fix it for free. I'll call the sheriff to pick y'all up." With that, he left with the car.

"Oh great!" said Miss Kobayashi.

Tohru smiled and said "I can fly us to California in a…" Just then a police car pulls up. A man of about average height and weight with dark hair and pleasant facial features emerged.

"Well now," he said with an accent not as thick as the other man. "Welcome to Mayberry. I'm Sheriff Andy Taylor."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Sheriff Taylor sat at his desk. He heard a door slam. He looked up. It was his deputy, Barney Fife.

Barney was the high-strung-type. He overreacted over the slightest disturbance of order. Andy was cool and calm, and so could usually keep Barney from getting too carried away.

"Hey Ange." said Barney.

"Yeah Barn?"

"Is Otis here?"

"A 'course he's here. He tumbles in drunk-as-a-skunk every other weekend." said Andy.

"I think I got a way ta solve this problem." said Barney. He showed Andy a book entitled 'Weird Thing' with a pentagram on the cover. "This book says all about ESP and hypnosis and other spiritual junk. I'm gonna use its knowledge to try and get the location a those stills from Otis."

"Barn, I don't think-"

"Now Andy! This book written by actual witches! It's guaranteed to work!"

"All right. If you think it'll work, you can try it on Otis."

Barney walked over to the left cell and unlocked it. He went in and began to shake Otis.

"Otis! Otis! Otis, wake up!" he whispered.

Otis sat up. He was a short, fat man with a stubble and thinning hair. He sat up and glared at Barney.

"Barney! What is it this time?!" Otis asked.

Barney pulled a miniature pendulum out of his breast pocket.

"Otis. You are getting sleepy. Veeeery sleeepy. When I count to three, you will give the location of the still and the owner of the still." he said.

"Location and owner…" said Otis. "The location is 324 Elm Street. The owner is Bernard Milton Fife…"

"Ya hear that Andy?" said Barney excitedly. "Write that down! 324 Elm-. Wait a minute. That's my house! I'm Bernard Milton Fife!"

Otis began to cackle hysterically. Andy just smirked and shook his head. Barney flashed him a dirty look.

"Oh you're real funny! A regular ol' Jerry Seinfeld, aren't ya?!" he said angrily.

"Now Barn…" said Andy.

Just then an older woman walked in. It was Andy's Aunt Bee. Aunt Bee had raised Andy when he was a boy. Now Andy was a widower, and she was his housekeeper and helped raise his son, Opie.

"Oh Andy. Miss Ellie Walker is moving!" said Aunt Bee.

"What now?" said Andy. Ellie the lady-druggist and Andy were unofficial lovers. They had gone to a dance together and gone on a few picnics. But that was about it.

"Excuse me Aunt Bee. Barney, keep an eye on things while I'm gone." Andy walked out of the courthouse and down to Ellie's house.

"Scuse me, Miss Walker? May I ask why it is that you happen ta be leavin?

"Well Andy! We're not in a relationship. My moving is none of your business!" said Ellie.

"Now Miss Walker! We might not be official, but you've got to admit we have deep feelings for each other. Now if that's not love, then I don't know what it is." said Andy.

"Well maybe it's not love." said Ellie. "Maybe I don't feel what you feel. Face it Andy. We've got nothing in common. Now my cab is here. Goodbye Andy."

And with that, Ellie Walker went out of Andy's life, almost as suddenly as she came into it. Andy was understandably heart broken. He had hoped to spend the rest of his life with her. He had had bigger losses. After work, he went straight home. Aunt Bee and Opie were waiting with dinner.

"Hey Pa, what's wrong?" asked Opie.

"Miss Walker is moving away. And the two of us had ourselves a argument."

Opie looked down. He said meekly, "I guess you didn't get the feelin then. The feelin ya got with Ma." Opie had wished for a long time that he would get a mother. He had hoped Miss Walker would be the one.

"Well, I reckon it's time we went to bed. Come on up stairs Ope." said Andy.

The next day, Gomer Pyle, one of the mechanics at the Wally's filling station, road into town. He was towing a battered car.

"Hey Andy! Some young ladys were in an accident! I told them you'd come and get them." said Gomer.

"Alright." said Andy. Gomer began to walk off. Andy stopped him.

"Hey Gomer! Where are they, exactly?

"Oh yeah! Sorry 'bout that Andy! They're 5 miles north of town."

"Alright then, Gomer. Just let me finish this."

After he finished up his paperwork and got into the squad car, Andy drove to where Gomer said. He saw a small girl, a woman dressed like a maid with horns, and a woman in office clothes. But there was another woman. She had almost no bust, and eyes like dead fish, but she was the one who caught Andy's eye.

"Well now," said Andy. "Welcome to Mayberry. I'm Sheriff Andy Taylor."


	3. Chapter 3 (Not final version)

Chapter 3

Andy and the women went into the squad-car. Kanna and Elma road in the back, while Miss Kobayashi and Tohru crammed in the front with Andy. Tohru made sure to sit in between Andy and Miss Kobayashi.

"Well now! What're you four ladies doin here?" asked Andy. Tohru and Miss Kobayashi proceeded to tell Andy everything that had happened.

"That is a mighty shame! Well, if you've got nowhere else to go, I've always got a spare room. I'm sure my deputy has a spare room too." he said. He then glanced at Tohru. "May I ask why it is that you're dressed like a maid with horns?" Tohru looked distraught.

"Actually I'm a real maid." she said.

"Then why do you have horns?" asked Andy.

"It's part of her cosplay." said Miss Kobayashi sarcastically.

"And what exactly is a 'cosplay'?" asked Andy.

Miss Kobayashi was slightly surprised that Sheriff Taylor didn't know what a cosplay. "A cosplay is a-"

"Oh look, we're here." said Andy. As the women got out he turned to the one with dead fish eyes. "'Scuse me miss, but what is your name."

"My name is Miss Kobayashi" said Miss Kobayashi. "Do you know where there is a hotel or something we could stay at?"

"We've only got one hotel, and that's the Mayberry hotel."

She gave Andy a small smile and walked off with the others.

They arrived at the Mayberry Hotel and rented rooms. Elma went to her own room, while Tohru, Kanna, and Miss Kobayashi shared one.

"Kobayashi," Kanna said. "What is going to happen now?".

"I don't know." she said. "Hopefully we can get a good flight to San Francisco and they don't fire me for my drunkenness."

After they had settled down, Kanna began to get hungry, so they decided to go down to the diner. Mayberry was a small town, with only a few businesses. They past a movie theater, a funeral parlor, a T.V. repairman, a place called Floyd's barbershop, and the courthouse. Finally, they arrived at the diner.

Miss Kobayashi had a steak and a baked potato. Kanna had a hamburger. And Tohru just sat there, upset that Miss Kobayashi would rather eat here than eat her tail. But eventually, she gave in when Miss Kobayashi offered to share her steak. After they had finished, Miss Kobayashi ordered some apple pie, which Tohru and Kanna promptly devoured.

Miss Kobayashi paid the bill, and they began to go back to the hotel. 'Mayberry seems like a quiet little town.' Thought Miss Kobayashi. It was the kind of place she'd like to live.

Suddenly, there was a loud noise. It was a man screaming the lyrics to a song Miss Kobayashi had never heard before. He was a short, fat man, who was staggering down the street. Miss Kobayashi could immediately smell the alcohol on him.

"Where'd you come from?" she asked.

"Hollister place" he mumbled. Miss Kobayashi looked at Tohru.

"Bring Kanna back. I should be home soon." she darted of in the direction that the man came from.

Andy sat at his desk. As usual, Otis Campbell fumbled into his cell and fell right asleep. Andy was preparing his things to leave, when he heard the door open again.

"Hey, Barn…" he said. But it wasn't Barney. It was Miss Kobayashi! She locked herself in an empty cell and collapsed on the bed.


End file.
